The World Wide Web is now over thirty years old. In that time, more content has vanished from it than remains now, but some of it can still be dredged up from the shadowy archives of the Wayback Machine. This is the latest chapter in our never-ending search to find the cool gaming stuff that time forgot….

In a dusty corner of classic Earthbound fansite starmen.net is this page.

It’s hard to read in this screenshot. It’s hard to read on the original site too! Here’s some of the text:

Welcome to the EarthBound CuLt
join us or you will DIe______________________________________________ how about I sharpen you I just love sharpening. you don’t want me to sharpen? thou shalt not use the suporma
    obeyeth the mighty lord of scaraba

the meek shall inherit the deep darkness of stonehenge for all eternity
The Ten EarthBound Commandments
I. Thou shalt not use the suporma
II. Thou shalt not question the existence of the Apple of Enlightenment
III. Thou shalt not steal from the Egg and Banana Stand
IV. Thou shalt not covet the Zombie Chick
V. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s Sword of Kings
VI. Thou shalt not neglect thine exit mouse
VII. Honor thy Courage
VIII. Thou shalt not fear the Photo Man
IX. Thou shalt not abuse thine Rock Candy
X. Honor thy Father and Mother… especially thy Father.

Ah, that’s some quality nonsense right there. Of course it’s densely packed with Earthbound references. The Wayback machine indicates this page (in an earlier form) has been around since May 23rd 2006.

Starmen.net is a true star (obs) of the World Wide Web. They’ve sent packages full of fanwork to series creator Shigesato Itoi and were instrumental in distributing Tomato’s famous Mother 3 translation patch, which opened up the classic third game in the series to English speaking audiences. They were the origin of Fangamer, which is a pretty big deal now! And they still have an active forum, which doesn’t see the traffic that it used to, but still sees new comments from time to time.

rodneylives