The Gripe Monster Quibbles Over Terms

The Gripe Monster occasionally demands that we give him time to vent his three spleens our our website, or else he’ll shed fur all over the break room. That stuff will clog up a vacuum cleaner like a whole herd of angora cats, so here he is.

Grar! I am the Gripe Monster! The world is in a state of constant decay! People used to know important things, but now they have forgotten! I alone remember the proper way! Every time someone gets it wrong, the center lobe of my monsterly brain throbs painfully! It is like fingernails on a blackboard, or someone slacking off during a raid boss fight!

To save myself from constant migraines I must inform you of the difference between the words “invincible” and “invulnerable!” It is essential that you get this right! So many times it has been misused, that people foolishly get them mixed up constantly now! If you wish to avoid my wrath, you will not be one of them! I bet you misuse “begs the question” too!

Invulnerable is the state of being immune to damage! No harm may come to your character while they are invulnerable! It is a proper state for a game to apply when your character has taken damage, so that they do not get hurt again immediately!

To be invincible is to not be able to be conquered! By game convention, it means that your character defeats enemies on contact! By its nature, it implies invulnerability, but it is a state greater than that!

When Super Mario is attacked by a Little Goomba, as I am sure happens to him all the time when you are playing, while he is flickering, he is invulnerable. Enemies pass through him, but are not touched by him while this state exists! When he collects a Starman (make sure to use the correct name for this power-up!) he is invincible. No foe can stop him! Instead, it is he who stops them! He defeats them on contact, kicking them off the thin plane that his world consisted of until the Nintendo 64 era brought hated depth to his reality!

When speedrunners talk about invincibility frames, they are committing a sin against language! They are properly called invulnerability frames! Because of this, when they are abbreviated to “i-frames,” they may seem to be correct, but they are still woefully mistaken–in their heads! I know what they really mean, and it fills up my copious gall bladder in rage!

Be sure to get it right in the future, and you will not have to suffer my terrible gaze, as do the clerks at the coffee establishment that I go to, when they forget to give me the cream and three sugars that I require! Such terrible service! I will only tip them two dollars!

Geez, how petty can you get? Now that he’s used up our site’s whole inventory of exclamation points for the month, that’s got to be all from Gripey this time. I’m not at all surprised to learn that he plays MMORPGs.

Introducing the Gripe Monster

The Gripe Monster lives in a cave on the premises, and hates everything. In its mind, nothing has ever been great, but it always used to be better. It has demanded the opportunity to vent its three spleens here every once in a while. We have agreed, in order to shut it up, and so long as it confines its rantings to occasional Sunday evenings. Take it away, Gripey!

Don’t call me Gripey!

Rarr! I am the Gripe Monster! Fear me! I will talk your ear off if given the opportunity! Do you know how much a doctor charges to reattach an ear? And you can’t sue me for injury, judges think I don’t exist!

But I do exist! I’m not just a piece of pixel art! And I am displeased. This time the object of my formidable ire is a dumb listicle!

In particular my woeful focus is fixed upon an article on a website, titled 10 Games You Probably Didn’t Know Started As Arcade Games! It makes my bile boil, and my blood clog! It upsets all of my monsterly fluids!

Three of the series listed are Tetris, Super Mario Bros., and “Space Wars!” This article, it makes me breathe FIRE! None of these series started in arcades! It doesn’t even get the original name of Space War right! My sensibilities are agitated! They cannot even claim defense due to Mario starting in Donkey Kong, for they list that as a separate series!

I do blame the author, for my anger is indiscriminate, but my wrath is tempered with the understanding that writing is difficult and research is time-consuming, although the histories of these series are by no means secret! Much more, I blame the site that let it pass without question. Grar, I say! Grar and grar again! I swipe at it with my mighty claws, and I bite it with my awful tusks!

If you do not wish to suffer my wrath in the future, please edit your articles with greater care! And get off my lawn!

Management wishes to express that we bear no ill-will towards either the author or the site, although the points Gripey brings up are technically accurate. Mistakes happen!

Stop undercutting my rant!