Tag: nintendodirect

Nintendo Direct 3/27/25 Review

Well, there’s been another Nintendo Direct, yesterday it was. And while there wasn’t much news on the Switch 2, one of the announcements was that there will be another Nintendo Direct on April 2, in just five days, about it.

The presenter this time was (check Wikipedia) Senior Managing Executive and Corporate Director Shinya Takahashi. He has some charisma, but we’re still a long way from the days where Shigeru Miyamoto, Reggis Fils-Amie and Satoru Iwata would co-host, one time as puppets.

Sometimes I take one of these videos and I riff on the games revealed, and the specifics of their revelation. To remind: the narrator’s delivery style gives me a rash, so I’ll try not to bring that up for literally every trailer. Operation 2025 Snark Go (37 minutes)!

Cold Open: Dragon Quest I & II HD-2D Remake

After DQIII, these couldn’t be far behind, but it looks like substantial new content has been added, including a new character? The mainline series has been dropping references to the old Erdrick (a.k.a. Loto) games, maybe this connects to that?

Nintendo Direct for Switch 2 coming April 2

We already explained about this. I don’t know why they didn’t just pile it all into a single video, but it isn’t like people are going to miss out on the news.

No Sleep For Kaname Date – From AI: THE SOMNIUM FILES, from Spike Chunsoft

It’s a visual novel style mystery adventure from the people who brought us the Mystery Dungeon series. Of course, they’ve made lots of visual novels, but in my view that distracts from them making more Mystery Dungeon games. I’m a bit upset by the news that Shiren 6 sold like one-tenth what it has in Japan. What gives, y’all? Show them some love!

RAIDOU Remastered: The Mystery of the Soulless Army, from Atlus, out June 19

Atlus’s turn to make a Very Japanese Game. This one is a remake of a Playstation 2 entry in the Megami Tensei series. It stars a mystery-solving apprentice detective who can also summon devils to help him in turn-based battles. If he can summon devils, one is given to wonder, what does he need the trainee detective gig for? I guess consorting with the Underworld doesn’t put food on the table.

Shadow Labyrinth, from Bandai Namco

Those two games are fine, not my usual thing but I recognize their merits. But this one, I don’t know….

I feel like, for the most part, Bandai Namco doesn’t really know what to do with Pac-Man. Well, I can tell them what to do: make more Pac-Man Championship Edition! It’s that easy, oh and also police their high score tables much better for hacked plays, Pac-Man CE 2’s scoreboards are overloaded with impossible scores. Or else, maybe more Pac-Man World games? Getting their ducks in a row with GCC and getting back the rights to Ms. Pac-Man? Instead we have one of the least necessary games we’ve seen in many a generation: the dark and gritty reboot to Pac-Man.

“With your memories gone, you have been summoned to a strange, unfamiliar world… where you’re greeted by a yellow orb known as PUCK.” Oh brudder, ignoring that we’re talking about Pac-Fucking-Man, that’s three hoary game trailer clichés in one sentence!

“But who is this spherical stranger?” ITS PAC-MAN. ITS OBVIOUSLY PAC-MAN. EVEN IF IT ISN’T PAC-MAN FOR LORE REASONS, IT’S PAC-MAN.

“Moored in a mysterious, maze-like world…” AUGH “…your battle for survival begins.” The narrator is giving me a rash again.

“Experience a dark twist on the iconic Pac-Man…” JUST GIVE US PAC-MAN CE 3. THAT’S ALL YOU HAVE TO DO NAMCO. Sincerely, someone who’s gotten in dozens of hours of every previous Pac-Man CE game.

Patapon 1+2 Replay, from Bandai Namco

Ah, this actually looks interesting! But wasn’t Patapon a Sony thing?

You guide a tribe of primitive shapes with big eyes through a rhythm-based battle game. You give orders to your troops by tapping different buttons in the right rhythm, and their attack power comes from your timing. The original Patas-pon were PSP games, and the Switch is kind of like a PSP in its way. I’m still surprised this isn’t on a Sony platform though.

Story of Seasons: Grand Bazaar, from Marvelous

Another Harvest Moon, this one for the Nintendo DS, given a trademark-unencumbered remake on the Switch. Predictably, you play as a young farmer trying to make a place for themself in a new town, growing their suspiciously large vegetables and milking their hippo-like cows. Eventually they can hook up with one of several eligible spouses, giving it the veneer of a dating sim.

It’s a formula that Stardew Valley more-or-less perfected, and Harvest Moon went to the well so many times that I wonder if the features are just permuted in different ways now, but the series has a lot of fans and they’re pretty amiable.

Metroid Prime 4: Beyond, from Retro Studios and Nintendo, some time in 2025

A lot of people are looking forward to this one, and we finally have some substantive information on it. In this one Samus gains yet another new suit, what is it five by now (how does she pee in those things?), and psychic abilities. Samus is already a super-powerful cyborg wearing a power suit with a half-dozen kinds of deadly beams, can inexplicably roll up into a ball, and can basically fly in some games. Now she can move things WITH HER MIND too? When she inevitably loses her power suit at some point during this game, will she get to keep her mind powers?

The problem with the Metroid series is, the most intersting thing about them is Samus, but the title is “Metroid,” so Metroids have to be in every game. Samus could carry a game that doesn’t have anything to do with Metroids! I mean, the main antagonists are called, just, “space pirates.” They don’t even have a name as a race! There’s been hints that the main series will stop featuring them, although what it’ll be called in the future isn’t clear. Anyway, there’s a creature like a Metroid in this one, so I guess they’ll have at least one last hurrah.

Disney Villains Cursed Café, from Disney Games, out now

My eyes are nearly rolling out of my head. It’s another attempt by Disney to take some trend and wring lucre out of it using their IP. This time it’s a small business sim, where you serve Disney villains “potions.” You’re a “potionista.” Since it’s an excuse to throw together characters from vastly different properties it has some crossover comedy potential. Ursula and Maleficent hang out around with the likes of Captain Hook and Cruella DeVille. You get many different kinds of evil all thrown together as if they were the same thing.

You buy your ingredients from Yzma, from The Emperor’s New Groove, which I think is kind of unfair. While later elaborations upon its milieu make her more of a villain, in the original movie she’s more of an anti-hero? Kuzco, as an uncaring emperor trying to tear down Pasha’s village, was the real villain, and Yzma’s plotting against him was arguably in service of the Inca kingdom.

Gaston is your assistant in the game, which raises the question… how evil are you? Are you planning on taking over the Disney world? Or maybe, Disneyworld?

Witchbrook, from Chucklefish, available Holiday 2025

Chucklefish, a publisher that consciously adopts pixel art as a theme, has a number of successful games, including Starbound and Wargroove, but their best-known game is one they no longer publish: Stardew Valley. Witchbrook looks like it has similarities, although it applies its grid-based aesthetic to a pseudo-Harry Potter setting. But it’s got the romancin’, and the four-player co-op’n. And given how J.K. Rowling has succumbed to Internet Poisoning lately, a game in that kind of universe that isn’t so tainted with anti-trans rhetoric will probably be welcome, if the very idea hasn’t been ruined by its association with her.

The Eternal Life of Goldman, THQ Nordic

The always-breathless narrator explains: “Action, adventure and arcade games await!” Arcades figure not at all in this title though, which is mostly a platformer with a hand-drawn look. “Set off on a fantastical mission to eliminate a mysterious deity in this hand-drawn platforming adventure you’re explore an expansive archipelago where nightmares and wonder collide!” You’re describing a video game, that’s like half of them! Other than the admittedly charming artwork, we just don’t know much about this one.

Gradius Origins, from Konami, August 7

ARGH the narrator pronounces it “gray-dius!” It’s “grah-dius,” I continue to insist! GRAH-DIUS!! I can accept a short A, but never a long one! The included games are the arcade versions of Gradius, Salamander, Life Force, Gradius II, Gradius III (oh frog) and Salamander 2. Shown off is the fact that Gradius III has multiple versions, which is welcome news since the original arcade release is infamous for its length and difficulty. The whole series also has terrific music; hopefully there will be a jukebox mode for players who can’t take G3’s infuriating gameplay.

The collection also includes a new game, Salamander 3! Okay, I have to get this now.

Rift of the NecroDancer, from Brace Yourself Games, out now

A more traditional kind of rhythm game than its roguelike predecessor. They appear to be approaching other indie games with great music for paid DLC packs. A Celeste music pack DLC is available immediately, and notably, Peppino from Pizza Tower was shown off in the trailer as an upcoming expansion. Pizza Tower had some of the best music in all of video gaming, so it’s worth looking forward to.

Tamagotchi Plaza, from Bandai Namco, June 27

Tamagotchi’s logo still has the egg virtual pet device in it. Do they even still make those things? I haven’t seen one in a store in the States in decades. Tamagotchi games are sometimes better than you’d expect, especially from a property that’s now two decades past its best-by date. As always, it looks like a meltdown of the Sanrio characters, and has that kind of feel to it.

Pokemon Legends Z-A, from Nintendo/Creatures/GAME FREAK, late 2025

I guess the various companies involved decided they weren’t getting enough billions of dollars lately. “You’ll begin your adventure by choosing one of three partner Pokémon!” Literally everyone who’s watching this already knows that! (By the way, all the many accent-Es in this piece are brought to you courtesy of the Compose Key.)

“To make it easier for humans and Pokémon to co-exist, a company called Quazartico Inc. is carrying out an urban redevelopment plan!” I wonder who the villains will be, hmm.

“If you’re spotted, they’ll challenge you to battle!” Has anyone in any Pokémon been able to resist accepting a Pokémon fight, even if their last ‘mon is down to Struggling? JUST SAY NO TO TURN-BASED SANITIZED COCKFIGHTING. And it’s still nearly the same battle system as shown way back in Pokémon Red and Blue! Haven’t they exhausted its strategic possibilities three times over by now?

Mega-Evolutions are returning. I guess it shows dedication to something to bring back a previously-used gimmick rather than coining another one.

One of the trainers challenging the protagonist in this one is Zach. Zach opens up saying: “Well, I won’t make it easy for you, because this taxi driver has a taxi dream! I’m going to reach Rank A and abolish all forms of transit in Lumiose—except taxis!” That’s like picking your mayor by whoever has the meanest dog!

Rhythm Heaven Groove, from Nintendo, 2026

This is one I can get excited over. Finally, Rhythm Heaven comes to Switch, and it seems to have a lot of new minigames. Don’t sleep on this one, its many minigames are hilarious.

News: Virtual Game Cards, coming late April

A way to play Switch games on more than one system. Basically, you can de-authorize a card on one system to play it on another system you own. An internet connection is required, but only when authorizing (“loading”) or deauthorizing (“ejecting”).

BUT. It only works on up to two systems without a family Switch Online account, which potentially expands the count by 8 more systems. Local wireless seems to be required, so far-flung families may have problems. And only one game can be lent to a given person at a time, and only for up to two weeks at a time. Seems like a whole lot of catches and exceptions. The system is confirmed to support the Switch 2

Quick previews:

  • High on Life, from Squanch Games, May 6
  • Star Overdrive, from Dear Villagers, April 10
  • The Wandering Village, from Stray Fawn Studio, July 17
  • King of Meat, from Glowmade, sometime in 2025
  • Lou’s Lagoon, from Megabit Publishing
  • Fantasy Life i: The Girl Who Steals Time, from Level5, May 21
  • Saga Frontier 2 Remastered, from Square-Enix, out now
  • Monument Valley 1 & 2, ustwo games, April 15
  • Monument Valley 3 coming Summer
  • Everybody’s Golf: Hot Shots, Bandai
  • Marvel Cosmic Invasion, from Dotemu and Tribute, Holiday 2025

And:

Tomodachi Life: Living the Dream, Nintendo, 2026

Oooh, the prestigous last announcement this time goes to a series that hasn’t had a great amount of luck lately? It’s felt like Miis have been on the outs for a while. Tomodachi Life was last seen back on the 3DS, Miitomo on mobile lasted mere months, and Miitopia, while cool, didn’t build a lot of buzz. I’m glad Nintendo is giving both Miis and Tomodachi Life another chance, though it’s disappointing that it’s being announced so far in advance.

Nintendo Today app

Introduced by Shigeru Miyamoto himself, this is a smart device app that functions as a calendar, and presents daily Nintendo news and content. Huh, that sounds a bit familiar… ahem! It’s available for download now, and news on the Switch 2 will be presented through it as well as in the next Nintendo Direct, in five days.

Nintendo Direct 2/21/24 Quick Takes

Here is the whole video in case you missed it:

Here is the list, with personal hype level expressed in stars, none to five:

00:30 – Grounded. Your characters are “shruken at the hands of an evil corporation.” First, corporations don’t have hands, their employees do. Second, it’s interesting to see how corporations have joined mad scientists, sorcerers and alien emperors as “the evil.” Anyway, this looks mostly like Generic Action-Adventure Game. “Work your way through the campaign to uncover the mysteries of the back yard.” Like, where they buried the water pipe? Good luck with that. Two stars.

01:37 – ENDER MAGNOLIA: Bloom in the mist. Big contrast to the previous trailer. It’s a “return to the Ender Lily’s world,” just assuming you know what that is. From the trailer I assume the “Ender Lily” must be a really bad flower, because everything is dark and grim, but especially dark. “This once flourishing country sits atop a wealth of buried magic,” yet somehow it looks like Blade Runner. Points for using the word homunculi (16 points if you have the tiles for it) and not inventing another bullshit video game word like “the Aeinsward,” or “the Valarath” or some crap like that. Your character is told early on that “your eyes says[sic] that you long for death.” Sometimes the winning move is not to play. I feel bad about talking down the work of so many hard-working developers, but I don’t think it’s possible to make a game less appealing to me, personally. One star.

03:04 – Arranger: A Role-Puzzling Adventure. “Role-puzzling” is not a thing. Looks like it might be okay, but I’m rating my enthusiasm as generated by the trailers, and they give me flashbacks to the PULL word in Baba Is You, so: Two stars.

03:45 – Unicorn Overlord. Oh, I want to play the fantasy title game too! Gargoyle Emperor! Chimera General! Minotaur President! Looks to me like a Vanillaware joint. Checking: I was right. Reading the transcript, I’m struck by the word unleash, one of those overused videogame words. It literally means to let go, but because it sounds good it gets used for all kinds of things. But really, if it ain’t a dog, it doesn’t fit. Vanillaware’s cool though, so I’ve talked myself into looking forward to it. Three stars.

04:23 – Monster Hunter Stories. “Monster Hunter” brings to mind fighting dragons and behemoths. “Stories” suggests Scenes From A Marriage. Combined, I’m imaging getting hitched to Smaug. (This is probably the backstory to the classic anime Dragon Half, come to think of it.) Anyway, it’s Monster Hunter. You hunt monsters. It’s a remake of a 3DS game, discarding the (mostly) realistic look of other Monster Hunter games for cartoony human characters. I have a previous Monster Hunter on my shelf but I’ve never played it, so I can only rate this One star.

05:00 – Disney Epic Mickey: Rebrushed. I remember when Epic Mickey games filled the discount bins at Walmart, but I always liked the idea, and the internet-viral concept art that inspired them, and they were “directed” by Warren Spector. One thing that always confused me about Epic Mickey, of which the trailer reminds me, is the opening positions Mickey as an innocent interloper, but the content of the Epic Mickey games clearly indicate that these worlds are about him, as a character. He’s not a plucky underdog, he’s the center of the Disney-pocalypse. And yet, that’s interesting. Three stars.

06:07 – Shin Megami Tensei V: Vengeance. The title logo makes it look like it’s called Shin Megami Tensei V: Engeance. This being a remake, I’m just glad they didn’t call it something like Revengance, hah wouldn’t that be stupid. I don’t remember at this point whether a mainline Shin Megami Tensei game has ever appeared in English before. Maybe on the Playstation or Playstation 2? Sounds about right. (Checking: it was recent! 2021! Huh.) I think it defies belief that this isn’t yet another Persona game. Two stars.

07:41 – STAR WARS: Battlefront Classic Collection. Okay I was wrong, it’s not possible for me to be less interested in this. It’s exciting to some people or else they wouldn’t have made this, but I’m writing this, and I say, One star.

08:24 – SOUTH PARK: SNOW DAY! When your franchise stars a character who was once grounded by his mother for “trying to exterminate the Jews,” I submit that there is something deeply wrong with it. No stars.

There’s so many games here that I’m going to skip around a bit from here on.

10:23 – Super Monkey Ball Banana Rumble. It’s an article of faith now that there have been no good Monkey Ball games since Super Monkey Ball Deluxe, and the recent Banana Mania, which was primarily content recycled from the old games. I just picked up Banana Mania a couple of days ago and was reminded why I like the Gamecube-era titles so much, so what the hell, Three stars.

11:40 – World of Goo 2. World of Goo was beloved of many people, myself included, and I’ve also liked everything Tomorrow Corporation has done, so I’m really looking forward to this, even if World of Goo is a very hard act to follow. Five stars.

14:03 – Another Crab’s Treasure.That’s a great title. The trailer, itself, actually calls this game a soulslike, which I guess is just the word we use now when a game is meant to be hard. The game does fix my main issue with Souls games, their relentless dourness. It’s whimsical and charming! Three stars.

15:32 – Penny’s Big Breakaway. From some of the people who made Sonic Mania, which itself makes it worthy of examination. A 3D platformer in 2024 that isn’t Mario, who’d have thought it possible. Three stars.

16:13 – Suika Game Multi-Player Mode Expansion Pack. I’ve been a bit outspoken that I don’t really like this version of the concept, prefering Cosmic Collapse on itch.io. Paid DLC that lets you play against others does nothing to improve the concept for me. One star.

16:57 – Pepper Grinder. It looks a bit interesting, but it feels a bit like a cheat that the tunnels you dig close up behind you. Two stars.

17:26 – Pocket Card Jockey: Ride On! Originally a F2P mobile game by Game Freak as one of their occasional non-Pokemon titles, like Drill Dozer and Part-Time UFO, which always seem to be terrific. They released a 3DS port that was one of those games that critics (including myself) couldn’t stop gushing over. I’m so hyped for this that I’ve already bought it, as of this writing it’s on my Switch back at home waiting for me to get back and play it. Five stars.

18:16 – Snufkin: Melody of Moominvalley. A Moomintroll game! One where you play as his enigmatic, vaguely Link-like friend Snufkin! I’m in! Sadly its trailer is really brief. Four stars.

19:26 – Rare Games Added to Nintendo Switch Online. Five games are added: RC Pro-Am (NES), a classic; Snake Rattle & Roll (NES), challenging and a bit underrated; Killer Instinct (N64), which I never cared for but some people will like; Battletoads in Battlemaniacs (SNES), likewise; and Blast Corps (N64), which is very underrated, a launch game that helped define its system. All of these games except Battletoads in Battlemaniacs were previously collected in Rare Replay for Xbox One, but there is a feeling of coming home here. Overall: Four stars.

These releases are notable all because of Hiroshi Yamauchi’s decision not to buy Rare from the Stamper brothers at the dawning of the Gamecube era, which lost Nintendo Rare’s then-formidable reputation and coding prowess. Nintendo sold its 49% stake to Rare, and Microsoft bought controlling interest. The Gamecube took a substantial hit to its library, and Rare has never been the same. Despite a few distinctive hits (Banjo-Kazooie: Nuts and Bolts, Viva Pinata and Sea of Thieves) I think Microsoft has never really used them well. For a time they were basically devoted to making Kinect games! (Checking: in fact, Rare’s Kinect Sports was at that time their best-selling game since Microsoft acquired them! Shame that its being tied to an abandoned peripheral means it has had practically no lasting legacy.) I would suppose the return of these titles to a Nintendo system is part of the deal that enabled Goldeneye 007 to come to both Xbox and Switch, but that is only speculation.

RC Pro-Am and Snake Rattle & Roll, are extra notable for their copyright notice by Rare Coin-It, a Miami-based subsidiary of Rare, that seemed to be devoted to games that had arcade pretensions. I don’t know that, but a lot of their games released with that copyright have strange arcade affectations: attract modes, high score lists, and arcade structure. In particular: Slalom (which did get an arcade release, as Vs. Slalom for Nintendo’s Unisystem arcade platform), Wizards & Warriors, RC Pro-Am and Cobra Triangle. But these weren’t the only games that bore the Rare Coin-It copyright. I really don’t know why; maybe they were assign games that Rare thought might have potential as arcade games.

Back to the Switch Online collection, this move gives me hope that the Wizards & Warriors games, especially the first, and its sequel Ironsword, will make it there someday.

Nintendo Direct 2/8/23

Thursdays here at the moment are the domain of Edit the Frog, so we put off our overview of the Nintendo Direct until today.

While most sites have already regurgitated the news into your waiting beaks, this time we’re recounting the release dates chronologically, so you’ll know what order to expect everything. Specific games of possible interest to a hazy mirage that I imagine to be our readers are in bold:

FEBRUARY
8th: Nintendo Switch Online Gameboy & GBA Support, Fire Emblem Engage Expansion Pass, Metroid Prime Remastered
15th: Xenoblade Chronicles 3 Expansion Pass DLC volume 3
22nd: Metroid Prime Remastered on cartridge
24th: Octopath Traveler II, Kirby’s Return to Dreamland Deluxe

MARCH
6th: Dead Cells Return to Castlevania DLC
17th: Bayonetta Origins: Cereza and the Lost Demon
20th: Spring begins. Releases for Spring: Splatoon 3 Expansion Pass, Mario Kart 8 Deluxe DLC Wave 4,

APRIL
11th: Tron: Identity
21st: Advance Wars 1+2 Re-Boot Camp
27th: Omega Strike

MAY
12th: The Legend of Zelda: Tears of the Kingdom

JUNE
Some time in June: Harmony: Fall of Reverie
1st: Etrian Odyssey Origins Collection
2nd: We Love Katamari REROLL + Royal Reverie (what is it with the word “reverie” this month?)
21st: Summer begins. Releases for Summer: New Samba de Amigo, Ghost Trick: Phantom Detective, Baten Kaitos I & II HD Remaster

JULY
21st: Pikmin 4
28th: Disney Illusion Island

AUGUST
29th: Sea of Stars

Some time in 2023: Fashion Dreamer, Decapolice, Fantasy Life i: The Girl Who Steals Time, Professor Layton and the New World of Steam




Nintendo Direct, September 2022

Nintendo released a new Nintendo Direct yesterday, and everyone in the gamesphere is posting about it as they always do. I suppose we should say something too. While it’s not directly related to our subject matter, Nintendo is as niche as a major game publisher gets, so I believe I can find room for it.

First, here’s the video if you care to watch it yourself (the relevent part is about 45 minutes long, I’ve cued it up to the content):

In summary:

Not to bury the lede like Nintendo usually does, the last trailer was about the sequel to The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild, subtitled Tears of the Kingdom. I think they should just call every game Magical Thingumy, but no one ever listens to good sense. The given release date is May 20, 2023, so, not much longer to wait. Despite the closeness of its release, even less was presented about the game than the last time it showed up in a Nintendo Direct!

Fire Emblem Engage seems to offer crossovers between characters from prior games, including Marth himself, Mr. Fire Emblem, the hero of the first game. I mean all the big game companies seem to be falling over themselves to cross their games and even series together into a thick homogeneous paste, why should Nintendo be any different? Arguably they started the whole trend with Smash Bros. anyway. Fire Emblem has been to this well once before with the mobile app Fire Emblem Heroes. Release date: January 20.

A crossover between Fitness Boxing and Fist of the North Star, the anime property no one’s been clamoring for. “Box with familiar characters.” Sure, like, um, that guy. Hatatatatatatata! I’d explain more, but you’re already dead.

OddBallers, a party game for up to six players. Tunic makes it to Switch, where it should probably have debuted. Remakes of Front Missions 1 and 2 (first time out of Japan for the second), with 3 coming in the future.

New release Splatoon 3 (what, it’s out already?) is getting its first Splatfest. Mario Strikers Battle League is getting new characters Pauline and Diddy Kong.

Octopath Traveler 2 is coming and it looks the same, and a new Final Fantasy Theatrhythm (with a ton of DLC of course).

The original Mario + Rabbids took a lot of people by surprised with its deep gameplay, and it even somehow made the Rabbids more fun than annoying. Other than a couple of minor gameplay features (exploring, Sparks), and maybe playable Bowser, the only really new information was its release date of October 20. I mean, there’s pre-order bonuses and a season pass, but it’d almost be more news if those weren’t going to be offered.

Let’s keep rolling with that farming theme. Harvest Moon: A Wonderful Life is getting remade as Story of Seasons: A Wonderful Life. Why change the brand? Are there rights issues around the original? Turns out, yes. Jessica Thomas lays it all out for us at thegamer.com.

More farming! New games called Fae Farm and Harvestella. I guess if you’ve completely exhausted all of Stardew Valley’s many many features and updates and are still not farmed out, there you go. You could also go out and get some seeds and plant your own garden, unless you live in the city, you poor soul. Still, this way has far less back-breaking labor, and you don’t have to smell manure.

Even more farming! Your feed trough runneth over! Rune Factory 3 is being remade, and another Rune Factory series is coming.

Playing these things since the Atari VCS days has inoculated me against a lot of hype, but the me that played Goldeneye back in college would have been thrilled by this.

A bevy of new N64 games is coming to the Nintendo Switch Online Expansion Pack, including, Pilotwings 64, Mario Parties 1-3, Pokemon Stadium 1 and 2, 1080 Snowboarding, Excitebike 64, and, amazingly, Goldeneye 007 with online multiplayer. I am practically certain that rights issues will have required that it be modified in some way, but that it has managed to come out at all is amazing considering the James Bond property’s owners, and that Nintendo and game creator Rare are nowhere near as close as they were back then. I’d like to know the story behind its rerelease. Honestly, the original came out twenty-five years ago. If this had made it out on Gamecube or even Wii it would have been a sensation, but FPSes have advanced so much since then. Well, nostalgia is a powerful drug. (Yeah, I said it.)

Along those lines. In addition to Octopath Traveler 2, the fandom dairy farm department of Square Enix is rereleasing Final Fantasy VII Crisis Core on Switch. I am apparently the only person in the gaming world without an abiding affection for Final Fantasy VII (the load times put me entirely the hell off the original game when it was new), so I can only watch from the sidelines. S-E also released (yesterday) the oddly-titled Various Daylife. I’m Somewhat Minuteinterested!

Speaking of fandom milking, prepare to low mournfully at the news that Mario Kart 8 is getting still more DLC tracks! And Capcom is releasing cloud versions of various Resident Evil games. Moooooo.

Wii Switch Sports is finally getting its Golf mode, released in a free update, before the end of the year, with 21 holes. I don’t know why they just didn’t wait to release it when it was finished, especially since Golf was the standout mode in Wii Sports, but I guess it’s common practice to delay a major feature or two on release now so a game can get a sales boost by announcing that feature later. There’s a spreadsheet deep in Nintendo’s marketing department that lays out the financial advantages of doing so. They keep it in a folder next to all their demonic contracts.

Shigeru Miyamoto appeared for a moment to hype the animated Mario movie releasing in the Spring, and the Nintendo World amusement park in Japan, and a new one opening soon in Hollywood, California. It’s kind of amazing to think that this is the very same Miyamoto who designed Donkey Kong in the early 80s, at a very different Nintendo. He devoted a lot of time to explaining the smartphone ARG Pikmin Bloom, even though it’s not particularly new. He mentioned that Pikmin 4 is coming out, but very very little about it.

Radiant Silvergun is being remade. Actually, has been remade, and should be out by the time you read this. It’s being released by “Live Wire Inc.” The word Treasure wasn’t mentioned at any time during the game’s brief appearance in the video.

Finishing up. Intrinisically co-op 3D platformer It Takes Two comes to Switch two, er, too. Fatal Frame: Mask of the Lunar Eclipse. Another Xenoblade Chronicles 3 DLC update. A new Spongebob Squarepants game, sure why not. Factorio is coming to Switch. Ib. (Ib? Yeah, Ib) Atelier Ryza 3: Alchemist of the End & the Secret Key (what the hell is an atelier anyway and why do so many JRPGs have them?), Just Dance 2023 (sadly not for the Wii), Bayonetta 3, Master Detective Archives: RAIN COODE, Sifu, Endless Dungeon, a remake of Tales of Symphonia, Life is Strange: Arcadia Bay Collection, Romancing Saga: Minstrel Song Remastered, Lego Bricktales, Disney Speedstorm, and Fall Guys: Season 2. Kirby Return to Dreamland Deluxe returns to the classic 2D-style Kirby gameplay.

This Direct’s hype score: 3/10. The only substantive announcements were Fire Emblem Engage and N64 Goldeneye 007! We knew Zelda was coming already, and all the other Nintendo things were either brief teasers or we already knew they were coming.

Wake me when it’s May.