Foone began her journey in search of the elusive mastermind back at the start of the year, and the thread is still going on. One of the early hacks she made is putting herself into the game as one of the criminals. I think this screen isn’t faked. She made and maintains the Death Generator website, so it wouldn’t even be particularly hard for her I think.
Some notes from the very long thread, which is still going:
Nouns used as verbs encountered: gibberish, chunk.
The game has support for changing the Acme Detective Agency image depending on different seasons of the year.
There is a handheld version of Where In The World Is Carmen Sandiego, which is actually a small DOS emulator, here’s the back of its box:
And here’s all of the people you can talk to in the DOS version:
I love this kind of cartoon art style, you (okay, I) don’t see it much anymore, now everything wants to look like anime.
A reference is made a post on Raymond Chen’s (awesome) Old New Thing blog, about a DOS game running under Windows 95 that crashed because it saw too much memory. It handled memory by allocating and allocating and expecting to be told “no” eventually. Windows 95 would keep giving it memory, going to virtual memory, from the swapfile. The program didn’t expect to keep being given more memory, and eventually it overflowed the array it used to keep track of it all. This seems to be the Old New Thing post.
On the world changing beneath the game: the frowned-upon word for Romani (beginning with ‘G’) is patched, the Brazilian currency name was wrong even when the game was released, lots of changed flags, the fall of the Soviet Union changed lots of things.
Displaced Gamers and their various technical dives, including the Behind the Code series, are favorites around here, and we’ve linked to them many times before. They take a lot of time with their content, but they always do a good job, much better than the average Youtube channel of whatever type, and it’s always something interesting to learn about. They have a new video up now (22 minutes) that examines the differences between the original and revised versions of Super Mario Bros 3, released a few months apart back in 1990.
Most of the differences were superficial: they changed the cover art slightly and added a ® symbol replacing a ™ on the Official Nintendo Seal. On the rom itself, they changed the names of the lands in the ending, from a flavorful set of localized names to just Adjective Land eight times in a row.
But there were other changes, and one of them was a substantial difference in the code, one that required moving much of it around by seven bytes to make room for it.
What was it? In brief, there’s one level in the game, 7-3, that uses a vertical-only scroll instead of a horizontal or multi-directional scroll, and it writes the images of the cards in the status window to the wrong place. So in the original release, on that one level, the card images are mysteriously blank during the vertical section.
That was fixed in the revision, which meant a check for what kind of scroll the level was using, and which changed the pointer to where to write them. Code needs space, and that space came out of a section of unused bytes at the end of the rom, with all the code between the change and that section shifted to account for it. If you had a Game Genie code that relied on data in those memory locations, too bad! You’ll need a modified version of that code.
Here’s the full low-down, which goes into much greater detail:
Sundry Sunday is our weekly feature of fun gaming culture finds and videos, from across the years and even decades.
I think I’ve posted some of these before, but I don’t think I’ve done all of them, and I’m cleaning some links out of my list. So let’s take another look.
These are from a six-or-so year old meme that began with putting creepy (but not too creepy) music to battle music from perennial retro JRG favorite Earthbound. Earthbound had lots of weird and crazy enemies, so they fit fairly well. But they’re not all Earthbound collections, just so’s you knows.
I’ve got quite a few of these links. I could spread them across weeks, but I’ve got other posts to make, so I’ll just unload them all at once. Watch as many as you can stand.
The video refers to a shorter video (19 minutes) by Zarithya, who solved some particular technical issues that made the 16-player game possible. If you’re in the mood for the full journey watch the above video; if you want less of your day consumed, try this one:
The gist: Faceball 2000 was a console (and portable) recreation of an Atari ST game called Midi Maze. Midi Maze was probably the first true FPS. Faceball 2000 got releases for multiple platforms, but the first, and most impressive technically, is probably the Gameboy version.
Developer Xanth Software F/X had a 16-player version of Gameboy Faceball working internally with special cables. Nintendo wanted them to support their new four-player adapter, but the mode that allowed for 16 players with the rigged cables was left in (it still works with an ordinary Gameboy link cable, jut limited to two players), although the devs noted in a 2005 interview that they had only managed to test it with up to 10 players.
Zarithya managed to figure out a way to play it with higher player counts with minimal extra hardware, and also discovered, and fixed, a bug that made 16-player games impossible with the code as released. It’s a pretty accessible explanation, you can probably understand it without much of a technical background.
That’s the main point; for the full story, the videos above are available. Enjoy, if you have the time!
On Romhack Thursdays, we bring you interesting finds from the world of game modifications.
Another romhack! There’s lots of hacks and it’s not always easy to find one I consider notable enough to present. This week’s definitely has technical skill on its side.
Mario Adventure 2 might sound like a successor to Mario Adventure, a 2001 hack of Super Mario Bros. 3 that remakes it into an almost entirely different game. That would be great, but that’s not what this is. (And neither, I think, are related to this Mario Adventure 2.)
Mario Adventure 2 gets its name from Sonic Adventure 2. It’s a port of that game’s levels, fairly closely, into the Mario 64 engine, with some chances to Mario’s handling to accommodate 3D Mario and 3D Sonic (and his 3D friends) differences. That’s a pretty tall order!
The hack is not complete (its creators call it a demo), but unlike many WIP hacks that modify a level or two and then remain in limbo forever, Mario Adventure 2 has already converted around half the levels, the whole “Hero Side” story, starring Sonic, Knuckles and Tails. The “Dark Side” story, centering around Shadow, Rogue and Dr. Eggman, is not yet ported, but even if nothing is ever released from that, there’s a great deal to play.
Now if you know anything about these two games, your curiosity is probably piqued, not so much by how the levels from Sonic Adventure 2 were made completable by Mario, but how Mario 64’s engine could handle them at all. Sonic Adventure 2 is a Dreamcast game, but Mario 64 was made for the Nintendo 64! And it doesn’t pull emulator tricks to make them work: the game works on actual N64 hardware!
I don’t know for sure, but it seems like the game splits Sonic Adventure 2’s large levels into sections, that are loaded in as separate maps. And while the main sections of SA2’s maps are rendered in full, the many areas off the main route, that can’t be entered, are missing a lot of polygons (one of my screenshots shows this).
Replacing the emblem goals in SA2, Stars have been placed throughout each levels. The levels have far more than Mario 64’s eight Stars each, and the early levels, at least, have at least 25 of them. Some short sections of map have three stars to collect, visible at once. The remakes of Knuckle’s stages, which I remind you are non-linear and exploreable, are dense with them. Collecting a Star doesn’t kick you out of the level either, so it’s possible, though difficult, to get all the Stars in one go.
Mario 64’s engine has been changed to remove fall damage, and to allow for grinding on rails, which you’ll remember was a pretty big selling point of SA2. It hasn’t been changed to allow for rolling up steep slopes though, and Sonic’s loops had to be cheated in various ways, although you’ll also remember, I’m sure, that SA2 did some cheating of its own. Mario Adventure 2’s handling of them is probably a little less janky.
Those who’ve played Sonic Adventure 2 will remember a considerable amount of jank, and its Mario-focused counterpart reflects that. The first level, City Escape, is one of the most janky, with invisible walls blocking side-streets, and even some places that you’d assume could be passed. It’s still playable, for the most part, but there are a couple of places in Tails’ first level, Prison Lane, that rely on specific jumps to get through. Tails’ levels involved shooting enemies to open gates to progress. That aspect has been kept in Mario Adventure 2, but Mario doesn’t have missiles, sometimes the enemies are difficult to reach, and you’ll have to find an alternate way through. You’ll get stuck near the beginning of the third level unless you take advantage of a lifting platform to make a jump that doesn’t quite look possible.
If those sticking points can be fixed, then this could easily become a romhack for the ages. Let’s hope that its makers can get enough playtesters to find them all, and have enough energy to fix them. Until then it’s worth a try, but you might want to refer to a video that plays through Level 3 (like this one, two hours long) to find a way across that gap without killing all the bats.
Skawo reports on an odd bug in both the Capcom-made Gameboy Advance releases of Zelda games A Link to the Past and The Minish Cap. It’s explained, as is frequently the fashion, in a ten minute Youtube video, here:
The video’s a bit padded with injokes and gimmicks, but beneath it all the bug is really interesting. Many games have checks to ensure the validity of save data, but the developers of both games implemented theirs in an odd way, calculating a 16-bit checksum for the file data twice, once by adding and once by subtracting, saving them both, and them when the File Select screen is setting up adding them to each other and checking for zero with the negative bit set (the high-order bit). It usually works, except when the checksum is exactly zero, which happens one in 65,536 times.
When that occurs, the total will be zero without the negative sign, which will be detected falsely as corrupted save data. As luck would have it, naming your character “God” in the European version of GBA Link to the Past will trigger the bug, and make it so you can’t create the file. But the 1-in-65536 chance comes up every time you save and exit. (The file check is made upon loading the File Select screen, so just saving with a checksum of 0 won’t trigger it; if the player saves later in the same play session, non-zero checksums will be written over the bad ones.)
1-in-65536 is a rare event, but it’s not extremely rare, and it’s absolutely the case that over the years many players have had their games declared corrupted and made unloadable. If a player saves their game, say, 20 times through a playthrough, then that’s about a 1-in-3250 chance of losing all their progress, and both games sold much more than 3,250 copies.
While the original Mac isn’t often considered a top gaming platform, there were neverthless some very nice games for it. One of those was John Calhoun’s classic shareware title Glider. (Glider can be played on Infinite Mac’s emulation of System 6—look in the Games folder in the Infinite Mac disk on the Desktop. The source code is on GitHub.)
Glider 4.0 (B&W mode)
Calhoun had a lot of fun just making prototypes for new Mac games, and so while he didn’t release many there are a number of half-made ones that he’s now put up in their own GitHub repository. Elite-inspired space exploration games, a computer version of the classic Black Box puzzle, a computer aquarium and other ideas are among the presented experiments.
The title of the repo is Unfinished Tales Vol. 1, and there’s already a Volume 2. There really has never been a game playing or development platform like the classic Macintoshes, it’s a window into a lost era of both computing and entertainment. Cameron Talley on Youtube made a 13 minute examination of some of their contents. This is it:
Sundry Sunday is our weekly feature of fun gaming culture finds and videos, from across the years and even decades.
Everyone loves Stardew Valley, and its engaging and quirky denizens! Whether it’s alcoholic bus driver Pam, or horny mayor Lewis, or Pierre the Capitalist, or the evil corporation you can let take over the town, or that one person who’s like that. Sure, you know, that one!
Many of the personable and mathematically romanceable characters of Stardew Valley can be spotted in Emmanomia‘s STARDEW VALLEY ANIMATION (3 minutes). Here:
A little bit more about the Switch 2? Sure why not?
First thing. I’ve mentioned this on social media, and I want to spread the word as much as I can about it, because this is going to catch people by surprise, and this way as many will find out about it going in as possible. In addition to costing $450 at launch, $500 with bundled Mario Kart World, and possibly more if Trump’s moronic tariffs stick, as stated in the direct, the Switch 2 uses a special incompatible variant of Micro SD cards, called Micro SD Express.
They’ve been out for a while, but uptake has been slow, mainly because their chief benefit is transfer speed, and Micro SD is fast enough for most purposes. But since its use in the Switch’s has been a performance bottleneck, Nintendo went with SD Express, which has the advantage of being faster, but the disadvantages of being both way less ubiquitous, easy to confuse with normal Micro SD cards, and of course, being more expensive. Ars Technica did a rundown, revealing that Micro SD Express cards are actually more expensive than SSDs at an equivalent price-per-gigabyte. It’s not a proprietary format, but consider that it’s possible that the only SD Express cards you’ll be able to find in a store that you buy your Switch from will be Nintendo-branded, and more expensive, it feels like it effectively is proprietary for now.
How to tell a standard Micro SD card from a Micro SD Express card? Express cards have an EX logo on their label, and they also have more contacts, as shown by this illustration from an SD Association whitepaper:
It’s true the Switch 2 has much more internal storage than the Switch. But many users will also be bringing their Switch digital libraries with them, meaning it’s possible for that storage to be full on day one. I have a 256 SD in my Switch, and I already have to make hard decisions about what I have installed and what I leave in “the cloud.” That will be my reality as soon as I transfer my eShop purchases to the Switch 2.
I mused a bit on Nintendo’s stating that the Switch 2 will be mostly backwards compatible with the Switch 1, meaning, not everything on the original Switch will work with it. What gives?
Nintendo has a page listing games that aren’t Switch 2 compatible. At first glance, it seems that all the issues are with games that are physically incompatible. Like, the Labo VR Kit isn’t compatible, because the Switch 2 is larger than the Switch 1, and it can’t actually fit into the cardboard goggles. Several other Labo kits are similarly “incompatible.” WarioWare Move It is mostly compatible, but the Switch 2 JoyCons don’t have the infrared camera the right JoyCon on the Switch 1 has. You can still pair Switch 1 JoyCons with a Switch 2 though, so if you have them laying around you can still play IR-requiring games. This also affects Game Builder Garage and some Labo titles.
Ring Fit Adventure and Nintendo Switch Sports use accessories that you insert a Switch 1 JoyCon into, and Switch 2 JoyCons won’t fit into them. And 1-2-Switch has a unique issue: the Switch 2 has more subtle rumble, and it seems a 1-2-Switch minigame uses that rumble to communicate information to players, which could end up being an issue.
Some notable games on the not-starting list: a selection of NeoGeo and Arcade Archives titles, Another Crab’s Treasure, Fornite (although I suspect there will be a Switch 2 native version), Nintendo’s own Fitness Boxing, Doom Eternal, Pizza Tower(!) and River City Girls Zero. Some of the games that play, but with issues: two Tetris The Grand Master games from Arcade Archives, Factorio, Fall Guys, Mega Man Legacy Collection and Stumble Guys.
I originally wrote this as part of Wednesday’s Switch 2 Nintendo Direct, but it’s really a weird bit of esoterica, and ended up being fairly long too, so I split it off into this post.
MKW’s apparently an open world Mario game, and open world games need more world building than otherwise. What I am hoping is this means we’ll finally find out more about all these weird MK-universe advertisers than in the past. Does Mario actually own and run Mario Motors? Is Luigi the boss of a tire company? Will we get an explanation for Bowser competing in a (mostly) friendly manner against his eternal rivals? And…
Oh my stars and garters, how does this Toad DRIVE this vehicle? His eyes are right over the dashboard! Can his feet reach the pedals? It doesn’t seem like it was built for them, is this a common issue for Mushroom Kingdom cars and trucks? And do they ever suffer collision damage from hitting big floating, rotating coins? Along those lines:
He’s just a workaday Koopa, driving for his job with Hammer Bros. Co., and woah it’s KING BOWSER himself driving right past, and in the same lane! And he appears to have gotten fashion tips from Hellboy with that Right Hand of Doom glove thing happening. Also gotta note that Bowser’s license plate is just his logo. “Yeah that’s me, any questions?”
Here’s more traffic, I assume the open world theme means there’ll be a lot more in the way of street vehicle obstacles. Mario Kart World certainly has some weird, and weirdly useable, cars. Vehicular ramps, blast barrels, and I assume that Bob-Omb car is a live explosive. Road safety in the Mushroom Kingdom is a joke.
Sexy! I give them points for working the Girders board (sorry, “25m”) into a track. But it looks like we’re again getting the same style of tricks as in prior MK games: the vehicle gets a burst of speed, the driver turns around and mugs for the camera, and vroom vroom. Doesn’t seem too safe to me. Also, it looks like DK’s redesign for the movie has stuck.
My favorite element of the Mario Kart series, which I believe I’ve mentioned here before, are all the Mario-themed corporate sponsors, which suggest that not only are the characters race drivers, but also own their own auto supply and repair companies, and other companies besides. They’re all businesspeople! It’s a capitalist hellscape of their own devising!
Besides Mario Motors and Luigi Tires, among the MK businesses spotted are Koopa Construction (slogan, “High Quality You Can Trust,” how boring), Peach Resort (also a track name), a company called Dash (“Accelerate the Fun”), Waluigi Vintage Clothing (that’s more backstory than we’ve ever gotten for him), Wario Games (nice tie-in!), Fuzzy Batteres, Royal Motors (don’t know if that’s Peach, Daisy, Rosalina, or some combination; it’s tagline is “Supersonic Primeness”), Dolphin Marine Sports, Nabbit Courier Service(?), Garlic Power, Red Shell Speed Tires, what I think is Yoshi’s Cookies, Premium Scrap, 1UP Fuel, and there’s Bowser, Buzzy Beetle, Lava Bubble, Shy Guy, Chain Chomp, Fire Flower and just “Banana” (“Let one slip!”) companies I couldn’t make out the full names of, and the return of MKTV, which uses what looks like the eyes of Cappy, from Mario Odyssey, in their logo, but they’re probably Lakitu’s goggles—although Lakitu is a driver now.
There’s also THIS:
It’s the counterpart to The Mother Of All POW Blocks from the end of Super Mario 3D World! It is written in the Book of Mysteries, of the GREAT QUESTION BLOCK OF DOOM, the hitting of which will trigger the end of all things. Drive carefully, competitors.
This is probably my favorite track, a spooky horror movie track with big pictures of Peach throughout. You can’t see it in this shot but there’s a big black castle in the background and bats flying around.
Moo Moo Meadows not only returns as a track, but it seems like it’s been set within the Mario Kart World map! Are there differences? Are other retro tracks returning?
Also, a cow is a driver now. And it rides a boom box. Why not just make everything a kart, and put anything on top of it? Maybe I shouldn’t give them any ideas.
Nintendo’s last direct was just a few days ago, and now they have another one, one devoted to their next console, the Switch 2, and /wow/, the internet consensus on it seems pretty harsh. It’s coming out June 8th, and it’ll cost $449 dollars in the US. I mean sure, the awful tariffs of a certain Orange Person may play a role in that, but it’ll also sell for about that amount in the much-less-stupid European Union. It’s an unexpected move, considering that the Switch line is widely seen as underpowered compared to its competition. I personally am scheming and trying to figure out how to fit it into my finances when it arrives in just two months, on June 5th.
But I’m putting the commentary up front, instead of where it belongs, as part of an in-sequence point-by-point reaction to the video. But about those….
Set Side B updates every day at 10 AM US Eastern Time. I like that the site updates in the morning, but not too early, to give people a chance to come to it throughout the day. But this poses a problem with responding to Nintendo Directs, which tend to appear at nearly the least opportune time, right when the blog updates.
We could change our posting time when Directs hit, and may end up doing that. But honestly, up-to-the-minute commentary that tries to get in ahead of other sites isn’t our forte. That’s the kind of thing tryhard sites, who can afford a whole team of writers, SEO, and flashy sports cars for their upper management, would do. We’re a tiny three-person operation, and I rather think that’s some of our charm.
Because of this, instead of responding to everything in the video, or even trying to, here’s just my comments on certain highlights.
So, here is that video (1 hour):
There’s also an Ask The Developer article on Nintendo’s website with more information.
The first game up is
Mario Kart World
Right off the bat, it’s never been more obvious than in Mario’s initial “Lets-a go!” that Charles Martinet’s time as Mario’s voice is over.
I have quite a lot, the most of the whole show, to say about this game, but it’s of an aspect of it that few remark upon or even care about. I’m going to save all of that for tomorrow, in fact, since it’s way off the subject. Please look forward to it. (bows)
In the meantime, features include free roaming, “knockout races,” cross country races and up to 24 karts in a race. More details… argh… in yet another Nintendo Direct, on the 17th.
Presenters this time out: Kouichi Kawamoto (Producer), Takuhiro Dohta (Director) and Tetsuya Sasaki, Hardware Design Lead. Nice to see people who actually worked on the system!
Hardware Features
GameChat, activated by the new C Button, for voice communication between players, and with optional game screen sharing
Camera accessory for facetime-style chatting (didn’t we have that back on the Wii-U? but this works during games)
GameChat requires a Switch Online membership, but will be free unti March 31 2026.
Local Multiplayer with only one copy of a game. Clubhouse Games is used as an example; it’s really a feature that it should have shipped with, IMO, but better late than never.
Larger screen, 1080p support on built-in screen
4K resolution when docked, up to 120fps
HDR support
magnetic Joy Cons (we knew that)
Joy Cons can be used as mice (that too)
built-in adjustable stand (and that)
an extra USB C port
256GB built-in storage
fan built in to the dock
Interestingly, Switch backward compatibility is only supported with “compatible” games, implying some games aren’t compatible.
Nintendo Switch 2 Welcome Tour
A game made specifically to show off the system features. The internet has been complaining greatly about the fact they’re charging for it, when it serves little purpose other than to show off the hardware.
Other Notes
Switch 2 uses the same shape of cards as Switch 1 games, but support faster data transfer.
Of special note, Switch 2 only works with Micro SD Express cards. This means current cards will very likely not work with the system, regardless of their capacity! This is going to bite lots of people, count on it. You may not even be able to get non-Nintendo branded SD Express cards for a while, and you can bet they’ll be charged at a premium. Pretty damn crappy, Nintendo.
There’s a new Pro Controller with extra buttons. No info on if Switch 1 Pro Controllers will work. My guess is they will (Nintendo has gotten better about controller compatibility in recent years), but of course they won’t have the new features like C button, and new programmable GL and GR buttons.
Paid Upgrades
A paid upgrade to Super Mario Party Jamboree that offers new features. The business with paid upgrades will become a theme throughout the show.
Zelda Notes is a Switch 2 specific feature in upgraded versions of Breath of the Wild and Tears of the Kingdom. It works in conjunction with the smartphone Switch App to mark locations of interest in the game, and lets you share your TotK constructions via QR code. Interesting, but it doesn’t seem like a feature that needs Switch 2 hardware to support it?
Kirby in the Forgotten Land gets an upgrade that adds a second story, which seems like a more suitable use for a paid feature.
Metroid Prime 4 and Pokemon Legends Z-A are both getting Switch and Switch 2 editions. This would seem to imply that Nintendo suspects the Switch 2 won’t see tremendous uptake immediately, and are hedging their bets.
Upgraded Switch 2 versions of prior-owned Switch games are being sold as “Upgrade Packs.” The end of an era: at long last, Nintendo has abandoned the “Pak” spelling.
Other Games
DRAGxDRIVE: A mouse-controlled wheelchair-based basketball game with stunts. A cool idea honestly! May end up being the ARMS of the Switch 2, which isn’t a bad thing, I think.
I’m going to skip commenting on some of these, I’ll just list them out: Elden Ring Tarnished Edition, Hades 2, Street Fighter 6, with Switch 2 exclusive modes, Daemon X Machina: Titanic Scion, Split Fiction, Hogwarts Legacy.
EA Sports, the company I most love to hate, is also releasing games on Switch 2
Tony Hawk’s Pro Skater 3+4 is a remake of two classic skateboarding games. I observe that skateboarding video games have, over the years, evolved into something that’s not really a lot like real-world skateboarding? They’re more like exploratory games with tricks added in and a coat of “hellow fellow kids” paint? Boarders don’t seem to be affected by realistic gravity, and regularly grind on services that no physical being could rightly grind upon. Anyway, near the end there’s a “A Few Moments Later” card stolen directly from Spongebob Squarepants, and the copyright notices for the game mention Spongebob, so I guess he’s making a Shrek-like appearance.
Hitman: World of Assassination: Signature Edition, now with added James Bond, Bravely Default, Yakuza 0: Director’s Cut.
Hyrule Warriors: Age Of Imprisonment again asks us to imagine an alternate universe where you can make the events of a game we’ve already played not happen, or at least I presume it will. It looks like Zelda may be the main character this time; it takes place in the past she time traveled to in TotK, so Link might not even be in it.
Nintendo Switch Online + Expansion Pack on Switch 2 to get Gamecube games: The Legend of Zelda: The Wind Waker, Soulcalubur II (the one with Link in it) and F-Zero GX (the really really hard one Amusement Vision made, during the fifteen seconds during which they bubbled up from the surface of Sega). Others promised for future: Super Mario Sunshine, Fire Emblem Path of Radiance, Pokémon XD: Gale of Darkness, Super Mario Strikers, Chibi-Robo, Luigi’s Mansion, Pokémon Colosseum. They also promise a Gamecube-styled wireless controller. Isn’t that properly called a Wavebird? We don’t know if the Smash Bros GC adapter will work with it yet.
Deltarune Chapters 1-4: A predictably silly trailer, but that’s why we love Toby Fox. To be available on launch day! To some, this will be the biggest announcement in the show, and I’ll admit I’m looking forward to it.
Borderlands 4, Civilization VII (Offers a paid upgrade from the Switch version, but it’s to get mouse controls, argh!), WWE 2K & NBA 2K, Survival Kids, Enter The Gungeon 2, Starseeker: Astroneer Expeditions, Cyberpunk 2077 Ultimate Edition, Final Fantasy VII Remake Intergrade (keep milkin’ that cash cow, Squeenix), Kunitsu-Gami: Path of the Goddess, Hollow Knight: Silksong, Story of Seasons: Grand Bazaar, Goodnight Universe, Two Point Museum, Wild Hearts S, Witchbrook, Puyo Puyo Tetris 2S, (inhale).
Rune Factory: Guardians of Azuma, Marvel Comic Invasion, Star Wars Outlaws, Nobunaga’s Ambition: Awakening Complete Edition, Fast Fusion, Shadow Labyrinth (yep, the grimdark Pac-Man reboot), RAIDOU Remastered: The Mystery of the Soulless Army, No Sleep For Kaname Date — From AI: THE SOMNIUM FILES, REANIMAL, Fortnite (were you expecting it not?), Arcade Archives 2 Ridge Racer, Professor Layton and The New World of Steam, Tamagotchi Plaza, Human Fall Flat 2, The Duskbloods (From Software)
And my favorite part of the whole show even though we learned very very little about it besides that it releases this year:
KIRBY AIR RIDERS, directed by Masahiro Sakurai
Kirby Air Ride might be the most underrated game on the Gamecube, for while it doesn’t offer a Grand Prix or other campaign mode like nearly every other racing game, it does have City Trial, one of the best multiplayer experiences on the Gamecube. If you attended DragonCon in 2023 and went to one of their Gamecube nights, you might well have seen me playing Air Ride there! If all Air Riders offers is a greatly upgraded City Trial, perhaps with more than one city to explore, then it’ll be well worth the purchase price, and Sakurai is smart enough to recognize its greatness so I think we’re in good hands.
The last game was Donkey Kong Bananza. A new 3D DK title with destructable terrain. It also uses the updated Donkey Kong design, but it really works here, Donks shows a lot more personality and expressiveness here than he has since before DKC.
It’s April 1st again, and I’ve taken to doing a change of pace post on this day every year. Two years ago, it was a plea for returning to the old days of the web, or at least the good, rose-colored parts of it. Last year, well, I forgot last year.
I want to return to the subject of the OldWeb. It is certainly true that it was fairly exclusionary, the home of a lot of sexism, and a bit of racism (although, I think, not as much as recently, at least not overtly). But there was also the feeling that, if you just went out and created something silly and wonderful, that it would find its audience, somehow.
If you go out looking for lists of old websites, you might happen upon this one. Don’t follow it yet: it uses a word that it probably shouldn’t, and you shouldn’t take this link as an endorsement for that. The reason I link it is that it’s a big long list of fun websites.
I checked through the list, and something like 95%, 19-in-20, of them are broken links, completely different sites, or squatted domain names. There are a handful that survive, but they’re in the minority. So it goes. Someone who cares could possibly hunt up old archived versions from out of the mighty Wayback Machine.
Many of the links, well, not many people will weep for them, but there was one site in particular of which I rued the passing: the homepage of Furnitures, the Great Brown Oaf. This guy:
Hey kids, it’s Furnitures! The Spongebob who never was!
Have you ever seen such a charming drawing? Don’t answer that: you probably have. But I think there’s a lot to like for this creature-thing. His coarse fur, his too-wide smile, and his vacant expression.
Furnitures is the star of a children’s show, called Furnitures the Great Brown Oaf. It is a show that doesn’t exist, has never existed, and unless the nature of the world changes substantially will probably never exist. Despite these facts, a person called Henry Stokes created a fansite for it.
Somewhere Henry called the show “slightly demented,” and that fits. In its backstory, an “anonymous philanthropist” found Furnitures (actually a sea mammal) in his travels, and was so charmed by it that he captured it and dragooned it into hosting a kids’ show, despite the fact that Furnitures is only vaguely aware of its surroundings.
Furnitures was last seen on the living internet in 2009. But… on the site was an email address for its creator. And I tried emailing that address. And surprisingly, I got a response. Henry Stokes is not only still with us but he answers his email!
I told him of my fond memories of the (very weird) website, and asked if I could revive it. And he said yes!
So I have. I have dredged up the files for the fake-fansite for fake-show Furnitures, the Great Brown Oaf, removed the edits made by the Internet Archive, further modified them to (slightly) adhere to modern web practices, and put it all up on Neocities, a wonderful free host for silly little web projects like this one, in the mode of late, lamented Geocities.
If you want to have a look, just go here! You might enjoy it for a few minutes! Maybe the obsession will, like a contagious disease, leap from me to you, and the legend of Furnitures will live on! Someday, when Henry Stokes and I are gone, and Neocities has shut down, as it someday must, maybe one of you will remember this site, and revive it again. It’s already the first hit on Google for “Furnitures the Great Brown Oaf,” whereas before it was mostly sites selling housewares.
If we work together like this, Furnitures the Oaf may have a lifetime longer than any of us. This Great creature will grow and, have a reality greater than any human being, which would be an awesome thing for a totally made up being to be.
So please, follow my link, and let the invented Oaf and his friends live in your brain, as it does mine. Despite his size, he doesn’t take up much room.
Yetso the Fiend, a pirate, who has a baboon for a heart. (The character does, not the actor who plays him.)
